Fun With Red Alert
by Darkwraith
Summary: The twins play a series of pranks on Red Alert. Update coming soon. Rated T for later content.
1. The First Prank

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Transformers in any way shape or form.

**The Prank**

_BOOM!_ Red Alert cursed inwardly as he walked toward the area where he'd heard the distinctive sound of a security camera exploding, courtesy of the twins, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. "I'm gonna REALLY nail those two this time," he snarled under his breath, "I'll see them put on clean-up duty for so long..." Red Alert froze mid sentence, staring in total shock at the damage that the twins had done. There was a large black spot on the wall and blackened fragments of metal that had once been a security camera laying on the floor. Red Alert sighed as he walked over to the remains of the camera. '_This won't be easy to replace,_' he thought to himself as he forlornly bent down to pick up the pieces. He was so focused on the burnt, twisted metal, that he failed to notice the two large balloons hanging right above him. Nor did he notice the two figures behind him throwing darts at the balloons. _POP! POP!_ Red Alert heard the two balloons pop, but before he could react, he was drenched in blue and pink paint. "Sideswipe! Sunstreaker!" Red Alert roared. The objects of his fury quickly transformed and took off toward the exit. Cursing to himself, the security director quickly transformed and took off after them.

He caught up to the troublesome twins just outside the Ark's entrance. It quickly became apparent to Red Alert that Sideswipe and Sunstreaker wanted him to catch up with them. The thought that the Trouble Twins had set up a trap crossed Red Alert's CPU, but he was too angry to focus on the thought.  
"_Hee, hee, hee, this is gonna be fun!" _Sideswipe said to Sunstreaker over their shared bond as they raced into the woods near the Ark side by side, _"Red Alert has no clue."_ Sunstreaker snickered internally, already seeing the look on their paranoid security director's face when the final phase of their prank was completed. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker continued down the road, making sure that they didn't lose their victim. _"I don't know about you," _Sunstreaker said to Sideswipe, _"but I love this season the humans call 'autumn'."_ If Sideswipe hadn't been in vehicle mode, he would have nodded in response. _"If it wasn't for the fact that the trees shed their leaves during this time of the year, we wouldn't have been able to pull this prank off." _

Red Alert continued to chase the twins through the woods. He vaguely wondered where the twins were going, and if they had a trap set up in the woods, but he was still too angry to worry about what else Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had in store for him. _"When I catch those two troublemakers, they'll wish they'd never been created!," _he thought angrily.

"_We're almost there!," _Sideswipe said excitedly. Up ahead, he could see the large pile of leaves that they had gathered just for the occasion. On a premeditated cue, they both sped up, and just before reaching the leaf pile, they both swerved in opposite directions.

At first, Red Alert was confused when he saw Sideswipe and Sunstreaker split up. His first thought was that they were trying to avoid being caught. That's when he noticed the pile of leaves. He slammed on his brakes, but it was too late. Leaves went flying everywhere as he plowed through them. Unable to see where he was going, he slammed into a nearby tree. That's when he heard the familiar laughter of Sideswipe and Sunstreaker.

Sideswipe couldn't remember the last time he laughed so hard. Their prank turned out much better than even he could have imagined. Sunstreaker was doubled over with laughter next to him. "Should we use the pine cones?," Sideswipe managed to choke out. "Yeah...let's...," Sunstreaker uttered between laughs. Then they turned and picked up some pine cones from their hidden stash, still laughing.

After a few minutes, Red Alert managed to transform painfully. "Twins," he half growled half moaned, "I'm gonna personally off-line you." He secretly wished for a Decepticon attack. _'Then the twins would forget about pranking me for awhile.'_ Looking around, he spotted the twins standing nearby, pine cones in their hands. "Don't even _think_ about it," he snarled, giving them a look that would send even Megatron running for his life. Naturally, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker didn't listen to him.

Hoist was in Wheeljack's lab finishing up tests on the engineer's latest invention, when Red Alert staggered in. "Hello Hoist," Red Alert muttered weakly. Hoist started to return Red Alert's greeting even as he looked up, but the greeting died as soon as he saw his mate. "Red Alert!," Hoist cried, shocked by his appearance, "what happened to you?" Red Alert stood just inside the doorway, covered in blue and pink paint, leaves, and pine cones and there was a large dent in his chest. "Two someones named Sideswipe and Sunstreaker happened to me," Red Alert moaned. "I _really_ need a hug right now." Hoist was quick to oblige. "Come on, Red Alert, let's get you fixed up," Hoist said gently as he led his mate toward the medbay.


	2. Blackmail

Disclaimer: Again, I don't own Tranformers.

**Blackmail**

Ratchet was wiping down a table when he heard the Medbay doors open. Looking up, he froze in total shock. Hoist was helping a very haggard-looking Red Alert into the Medbay. "The twins' handiwork," Hoist explained when he saw Ratchet's reaction. The sight of Red Alert, dented, and covered in paint, leaves, and pinecones, proved to be too much even for Ratchet, who crashed right then and there. "I must look absolutely horrible if Ratchet can't stand the sight of me," Red Alert moaned, feeling very sorry for himself. "You don't look _that_ bad, Red Alert," Hoist said soothingly, "Ratchet just wasn't expecting to see you like this."

First Aid was in the back storeroom, inventorying the extra supplies and parts, when he heard a loud crash in the Medbay. Thinking that there was an emergency, he rushed out of the storeroom, only to see Ratchet laying unconscious on the floor, with Hoist and Red Alert standing nearby. First Aid took one good look at Red Alert and gasped. The security director had definitely seen far better days. "Let me guess, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker," First Aid said, resignation in his voice. "Yep," Hoist replied, sounding equally resigned. "All right," First Aid said with a sigh, heading towards a nearby table. "Bring him over here, and I'll fix him up while you revive Ratchet." Hoist nodded, helping Red Alert onto the table before walking over to the chief medical officer.

"_You were right, Sideswipe, rigging up all those hidden cameras _was_ a good idea."_ Sideswipe swelled with pride at his brother's words. It'd taken them three night cycles, a lot of sneaking around, and an extraordinary amount of very good luck to get them all installed, but in the end, it was worth it. Now they were in their shared quarters, watching all the fun in the Medbay on a viewscreen they'd made themselves. _"Thank you, Suns, be sure you record all this for blackmailing purposes." _Sunstreaker stiffened at his brothers' words, but he continued to watch the small screen silently. _"You _know_ I hate it when you call me 'Suns,' and don't insult me. Of _course_ I'm recording all of this. Why would I let such a perfect opportunity to gather blackmail material go to waste?"_ Sideswipe nodded as he watched the action.

Awhile later, as they were leaving the Medbay, Hoist suggested that they get some Energon. Red Alert nodded, deep in thought. He remained silent until they were seated across from each other in the empty rec room with their Energon cubes in front of them. "What am I going to do with Sideswipe and Sunstreaker?," Red Alert moaned, looking down at his cube, "They're driving me out of my CPU." Hoist reached over and placed his hand gently on Red Alert's arm. "You're worrying too much about the twins and their antics. I know you'll somehow come out on top when all this is over. You always do." At that, Red Alert looked up and smiled at Hoist. "That's one of the things I love the most about you, Hoist. You always know just what to say to cheer me up." They finished their Energon in silence. "I suppose we should be getting back to our duties," Red Alert said unhappily, as he stood up. "Wait," Hoist said, getting up and stepping over to his mate. Before Red Alert could respond, Hoist wrapped his arms around Red Alert, pulled him close, and kissed him. Red Alert immediately wrapped _his_ arms around Hoist and returned the kiss.

Meanwhile, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were beside themselves with glee. _"Look at that Suns! They're actually kissing in the rec room!" _Sunstreaker was enjoying the images on the viewscreen too much to notice the annoying nickname. _"I'm recording everything, 'Swipe. What _are_ we gonna do with all the material that we're gathering?"_ Sideswipe looked over at his brother, grinning evilly."We're gonna blackmail Red Alert," he said, speaking aloud for the first time since they walked into their quarters.

_'I'm glad this day's almost over,'_ Red Alert thought to himself as he made his way back to the control room, _'I just hope those two don't ruin movie night tomorrow_.' Hoist's last words to him before he left the rec room kept echoing through his CPU: _"Don't let the twins get to you, Red Alert. They like seeing you get mad or upset. Don't give them what they want. You're smart, you'll figure out a way to get even with them." _Red Alert smiled to himself. Oh yes, he would get even with the terror twins. Reaching the control room, he typed in the access code and entered the small room filled with monitors. He sat down in the chair and opened up a hidden drawer at the bottom of the console. The drawer was filled with datapads containing images of the twins that they didn't even know he had. Images he knew they wouldn't want the other Autobots to see. Especially Ratchet. After looking at the datapads for a moment, Red Alert closed the drawer. _'I won't use those just yet. I'll wait until the time is right.'_

Later that night, two shadowy wraiths stalked silently through the sleeping Ark._"We can do whatever we want now and get away with it. Red Alert wouldn't _dare_ punish us when we show him the blackmail material that we gathered,"_ Sideswipe said to Sunstreaker over their bond. Sunstreaker smiled in response, even though he knew his brother couldn't see it. _'Let's get this over with, 'Swipe, before anyone wakes up and catches us in the act,'_ Sunstreaker said, eager to pull off their latest prank before the morning shift came on duty. Together, the disaster duo got to work.

The next morning, the entire Ark woke up to a total mess: streamers hanging from the ceiling, paint splattered everywhere, toilet paper strewn all over the place, and Cybertronian words and curses written all over the walls in permanent ink. The Ark's inhabitants gathered together in the middle of one of the wider corridors, looking around in shock, except for Red Alert, who was still in his quarters. Red Alert's optics widened with shock when he saw the mess. "SIDESWIPE! SUNSTREAKER!," Red Alert roared furiously, as he went looking for the mechs he _knew_ were responsible. The twins were standing amidst the other mechs, trying to appear innocent, when Red Alert came storming up. "There you are!," Red Alert snarled when he spotted the twins, "both of you, come with me NOW!" Grabbing Sideswipe and Sunstreaker by the arms, he dragged them towards the control room, while the others watched, still too shocked to speak.

Muttering angrily under his breath, Red Alert dragged the twins into the control room and locked the door behind them. "All right, you two are going to PAY for this!," he yelled, turning to face the two mechs he'd come to regard as his worst nightmare come to life. In response, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker just smiled. "Why are you two smiling?," Red Alert asked, disconcerted by their reaction to his fury. Sideswipe smiled wider in response. "Because," he said calmly, "you're not gonna punish us." "What do you mean, I'm not going to punish you?," Red Alert said, shocked by Sideswipe's words and attitude. "He means you wouldn't dare punish us if you don't want the whole Ark to see the video we made of you," Sunstreaker said, unsubspacing a tape. Red Alert stared at the tape, uncertain what the twins were up to. "What's that?," he said warily. "This," Sideswipe said gleefully, is video footage we taped of you in the Medbay and with Hoist in the rec room. And unless you want everyone aboard the Ark watching this tonight instead of the movie Bumblebee chose, you'll let us go without punishing us. Red Alert was absolutely floored. They'd _really _got him this time, and they knew it. He took several deep breaths. "I won't let you get away with what you did last night.," Red Alert said calmly, "you both will clean up the mess you made, and you'll be on cleaning duty for one Earth month." Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both looked shocked. "Y-y-you _wouldn't_!," Sunstreaker sputtered. "I would and did," Red Alert replied evenly. Sideswipe's optics narrowed dangerously. "You'll pay dearly for this, Red Alert," he muttered softly.


	3. Punishment and Humiliation

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Transformers.

**Punishment and Humiliation**

"Got any _more_ good ideas, Sideswipe?," Sunstreaker snarled as he and his brother cleaned up their mess. Sideswipe looked over at his unhappy brother and grinned. "Of course I have more good ideas. When _don't_ I have good ideas?," Sideswipe replied, an evil grin plastered on his face. Sunstreaker snorted loudly. "Do you really want an honest answer?," he asked angrily as he scrubbed the wall. Sideswipe chose to ignore his brother's anger, which he knew was not his fault. Sunstreaker was angry at Red Alert for punishing them for their prank and taking their blackmail tape. "Don't worry Suns," Sideswipe muttered softly, "we're really gonna get Red Alert tonight during Movie Night." Sunstreaker stopped scrubbing the wall and looked over at his twin as if he was crazy. "How do you propose we do that?," Sunstreaker asked incredulously, "in case you've forgotten, Red Alert took our tape!" At that, Sideswipe looked at his twin, a positively evil smile on his face. _"Red Alert _thinks_ he took our tape. Really, he just got the back-up copy. He has no idea I have the original copy, which I've 'improved' by the way." _Sunstreaker stared at Sideswipe a mixture of shock and admiration on his face. _"'improved'? How?," _Sunstreaker asked. His brother's evil smile widened in response. _"I added some footage to the original, using the tape we made when we nailed him with those balloons, leaves, and pine cones, along with some of the older tapes we had laying around, including the 'paint-job incident.'" _The shock on Sunstreaker's face gave way to admiration. "Have I told you today how devious you are?," he muttered. Sideswipe smiled in response, then they both returned to the job of cleaning up their latest mess.

Red Alert sat in the control room, keeping an optic on the activities in the Ark. _"It's like watching several movies at once," _he thought. His current favorite 'movie' was the Twin Pillars of Pranks cleaning up the ark. He was still watching the show, a satisfied smile on his face, when Hoist walked into the control room. "Hello," Red Alert said, never taking his optics off the screen. Hoist joined him in front of the screens. "Looks like you really got the twins good," Hoist said. Red Alert finally turned away from the screen to face his companion. "You should have seen the look on their faces when I snatched their blackmail tape," Red Alert said, snickering, "they obviously didn't think I could move that fast! I've _never_ seen such exquisite expressions of shock and horror!" Red Alert and Hoist shared a good laugh. "I bet there really mad at you right now," Hoist said, wondering what the twins would do to get back at the security director, "they might try something tonight during the movie." Hoist's assessment caused a flood of paranoia to sweep through Red Alert, but he shrugged it off. "I don't think that they'd be dumb enough to try something tonight, especially since Ratchet threatened to reconfigure them into Gremlins if they messed up movie night again," he said. They both laughed at the memory of the last time the Autobots tried to have a movie night. Not 20 minutes into the movie, the twins set off a bunch of fireworks: fountains, roman candles, crackle balls, smoke balls, and bottle rockets. As if the distraction wasn't bad enough, a few stray bottle rockets struck the TV, breaking the screen. "I don't think I've ever seen Ratchet so enraged!," Hoist said, and Red Alert laughed. "I know I haven't," he replied. "The twins might try to get me later, but not tonight. Besides, I got their blackmail material. They can't do much to me without the tape I confiscated." At that, Red Alert turned back to the monitors, confident that Sideswipe and Sunstreaker wouldn't do anything to him in the near future.

Later that night, all the Autobots gathered in the rec room for movie night. Everyone had been looking forward to this night for days, and the excitement in the room was palpable. But, as Bumblebee started to get up to start the long-awaited movie, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker stood up. "Thank you all for coming to movie night," Sideswipe said, "now, before the main movie, Sunstreaker and I have a movie for you to watch." Everyone started muttering in confusion. Red Alert, sitting in the front with Hoist, couldn't believe his audio receptors. _"What are they talking about? I took their tape!,"_ he thought, shock and disbelief clear on his face. Sideswipe, noticing Red Alert's reaction, nudged Sunstreaker, who looked over at Red Alert and grinned. "And now," Sunstreaker said with a flourish, "without further ado, our home movie!" There were groans in the audience as several of the Autobots imagined being subjected to footage of Sunstreaker waxing himself for the thousandth time that week. The groans turned to gasps of shock and disbelief as the 'movie' opened with footage of Hoist assisting Red Alert into the medbay. Red Alert's jaw dropped. _"No! No way! I took that tape! I put that tape with my other blackmail material! I'm the _only_ one who knows the code to that drawer! I'm the only one who knows it's even there! How'd they get that tape?" _Red Alert sat there in stunned disbelief as one of his worst memories played out in front of everyone aboard the Ark. After that humiliation, came the scene with Hoist in the rec room. Both Red Alert and Hoist sat there, too embarrassed to speak, as the whole Ark heard what was meant to be a private conversation. Near the end, Red Alert put his head between his hands and waited for the comments. He didn't have to wait long. "Nice one, Red!," Sideswipe called. "Next time, get a room you two!," Sunstreaker added. Everyone else was to shocked to say a word. _"At least, the so-called 'movie' is over now.," _Red Alert thought, relieved.

His relief was very short-lived. When he looked up at the screen, expecting to see Bumblebee's movie starting, he was shocked to see images of himself picking up pieces of the security camera the twins blew up. _"Oh no!,"_ he thought. All he could do was sit and watch helplessly as the tape continued. He saw again the large pile of leaves he was forced into, and he watched himself hit the tree. He did get some satisfaction when he saw the furious expression on his face and heard Optimus mutter, "Wow. Even Megatron would've taken one look at Red's face and ran for his life." Next, everyone watched as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe crept into Red Alert's room and, while Sideswipe held the paint, Sunstreaker painted over Red Alert's red and white paint job with purple and pink paint. Then, when the paint dried, Sunstreaker added lacy hearts, flowers, unicorns, and rainbows. "So that's what Red Alert screamed about that morning," Trailbreaker muttered. "I wondered what that was about. It sounded like someone was trying to murder him." Red Alert moaned, remembering that morning. It was the worst morning of his life. As soon as, he saw himself in a mirror, he knew who was responsible for his humiliation. Before he could go after the offenders, though, he had to get to the medbay without attracting attention. He figured he'd gotten extremely lucky when he made it without being seen by anyone else.

After watching the paint-job incident, Red Alert decided that he couldn't take anymore. He got up and ran out of the rec room. Hoist yelled at him to stop, but he ignored him, and everyone else as he headed out the door. Once in the hallway, he transformed and raced towards the exit. His only thoughts were on getting far away from the Ark. On the way out, he thought he heard Ratchet yell at the twins.

Ratchet had been watching the movie furiously. _"After this is over, I'm really gonna let those two have it!" _He couldn't believe they'd had the gall to publicly embarrass Red Alert like this. _"Now, his glitch is going to start acting up again, and I'm gonna have to fix him again."_ He was already planning several things to do to them, when he saw Red Alert get up and run out, ignoring the shouts from Hoist. _"That's it! Those two are going to pay for this!"_ Ratchet stood up and marched towards the twins, a murderous look in his optics. "Twins!," he yelled, "prepare to be turned into gremlins!"

The twins, realizing that Ratchet was really serious about turning them into gremlins, quickly ran out the door, transformed, and raced out of the ark.


	4. Payback and Alert

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Transformers.

**Payback and Alert**

At first, Red Alert drove aimlessly, thinking about all the twin terrors had done to him in the past few days. _'I wonder where they got all that paint. Surely they don't keep _that_ much paint laying around. Of course! They must have gone to the paint store. That gives me an idea...'_ And, with that, Red Alert changed course, heading for the city, an idea for payback forming in his processor.

As luck would have it, Red Alert reached the paint store just before it closed. The owner, who was well acquainted with the Autobots, thanks to the twins, was more than happy to keep the store open for the security director.

About an hour later, Red Alert drove into the Ark, heading for his quarters to drop off the paint he'd just bought. En route, he encountered Ratchet, who looked ready to kill. "There you are," Ratchet said, "how are you doing?" Red Alert transformed, and, smiling wickedly, said "I'm just fine. Who're you looking for?" "The twins," Ratchet replied. "And, when I find them, I'm gonna rebuild them into Gremlins." Red Alert put his arm around the medic and said, "you really don't have to do that. I have something much better in store for them." Ratchet stared at Red Alert, noting the wicked smile on his face and the evil glint in his optics. "Alright," the medic said, "I won't turn them into gremlins _this_ time." At that, Red Alert turned away from the medic and started walking towards his quarters. As he was walking away, Ratchet heard him mutter "this is going to be good...," to himself. Ratchet shook his head, and thought to himself _'I don't know what he's up to, but I almost feel sorry for the twins. Almost.'_

Later that night, while everyone was recharging, Red Alert sneaked into the twins' room. He paused to reflect on just how innocent they looked at that moment._'Of course, they're _anything_ but innocent when they're awake,'_ he thought, as he pulled several gallons of paint and a few brushes out of his subspace compartment and got to work...

Most of the Autobots were in the rec room when Sideswipe and Sunstreaker walked in for their morning energon. Bumblebee took one look at the twins, and spit his mouthful of energon on Gears. "What was that for?," Gears snapped. Bumblebee, who was laughing too hard to talk, just pointed a finger at the door. Gears turned his head to look, and thanked his never-lucky stars that his mouth wasn't full of energon at that time. After staring at the spectacle for a few seconds, Gears started laughing. He laughed so hard, he fell off his chair. By that time, everyone had looked over to see what Gears and Bumblebee were laughing at, and before long, the entire room was absolutely shaking with hysteria.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker stood just inside the rec room, staring at their comrades in confusion. Gears was lying on the floor, laughing, Prowl and Jazz had spit their energon on each other. Optimus Prime had toppled over backwards in his chair, and like Gears, was lying on the floor, laughing. They had no idea what had come over the other Autobots. Had the twins passed by a mirror prior to entering the rec room, they might have noticed their new paint job. Sunstreaker was sporting a hot pink unicorn on his chest, with a pretty rainbow over his Autobot symbol. Sideswipe had a fluffy kitten painted on his chest, along with a sprig of flowers. In addition, their arms, legs, back, and heads were decorated with all manner of cute things: butterflies, puppies, flowers, fluffy clouds, hearts, kittens, rainbows, bows, etc. All painted in a variety of pinks and pastel colors.

Red Alert was sitting at a table in the back of the room with Hoist, a satisfied smirk on his face. The confused expressions on the twins' faces was priceless. _"Of course, it'll be even better when they see what I've done," _he thought happily, _"oh, how I wish I had a camcorder."_ What he didn't know at the time was that the whole scene was already being recorded...

Perched on a cross-beam high above the floor in the rec room, Laserbeak was trying really hard not to laugh out loud or fall. As it was, he was shaking with silent laughter and in danger of loosing his balance. This spying mission turned out to be one of the best Megatron had ever sent him on. At first, he didn't want to leave the Decepticon base so early in the morning, but witnessing the chaos that ensued when the newly decorated duo of disaster walked in the room more than made up for the inconvenience of having to get up so early.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker looked over at each other each one planning to ask what was up. Before they could even start to get a word out, though, they each noticed the others' paint job. "Sunny!," Sideswipe cried, "what did you do to yourself?" "Me? What did you do to _yourself?,"_ Sunstreaker replied. At that, they both looked down at themselves. "AAAAAAAAAAHHH!," they cried in unison.

Laserbeak finally cracked like an egg. Unable to contain his laughter any longer, he started laughing really hard. He also lost his balance. As he fell, he managed to keep his camera focused on the twins, even as he wondered just how badly damaged he was going to get when he hit the floor. Just before he landed on the floor, however, he felt someone catch him. The unknown Autobot gently placed him on the table he was sitting at. Then, he heard Red Alert say, "When you see Soundwave again, tell him I want to meet him sometime later today. I have a business transaction I think he'll be interested in. By the way, that was very impressive how you kept your camera trained on the action while you were falling."

Red Alert was really enjoying the show,and really wishing he had a camera to record the action, when he noticed something falling from the ceiling. It was Laserbeak. Moving quickly, Red Alert caught the small Decepticon before he could hit the floor, and sat him on the table beside him. _"Maybe Soundwave would be interested in making a deal."_ He'd just mentioned his desire to meet Soundwave when Teletran 1 announced: _"Attention all Autobots! Attention all Autobots! The Decepticons are attacking the nearby power plant!"_

"Everyone move out!," Optimus Prime ordered. "But, I can't go out like this!," Sunstreaker protested loudly. "You have no choice," Optimus replied, "let's go!" Reluctantly, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker followed the rest of the Autobots out of the base, while Laserbeak rushed out to join his faction.


End file.
